l!fe happens.

today was hurtfully slow. there's nothing much to do (oh really?) and it being the first day of my own 'hurricane sandy', i was pretty much sappy and swollen - not a good day.

i cried watching the voice because i thought christina looked so ridiculous with the pink 'fro, meanwhile, that dez duron guy is so fucking good looking - i got so confused with feelings - and so it sent me over the edge. don't get me wrong though, i love christina. she inspired me in so many ways, and i get that she wears whatever she wants to wear - but today it ticked me off. she could dressed to look good, you know ... because i've seen her, i grew up with her, and i follow her religiously. i just didn't like what she wore today.

but maybe i was just sad that right now i can't afford to buy her new album that came out yesterday, or maybe i was just pms-ing. i did felt stupid though, very soon after that.

...

i also read my old journals today. yes, all four of them. i had them when i was what? thirteen? fourteen? fifteen? they were hilarious! full of things that choked me with embarrassment and i rolled my eyes too much, i think i'm partially blind. too many fangirling confessions (i was into lance bass - the gay dude - out of all the nsync guys. who would have thought?!). they were filled with stories about boys i was crushing on - like five of them at the same time. okay like seriously, i didn't know i was that capable, until just now. who was i?!! and what happened?

nevertheless, i think i learned something about myself today. life used to be, just THAT. life was school, pimples, fangirlings, boys (still is!), and not a single care about anything that really mattered. life was just so simple and "beautiful" for the naive overweight kid. i wish it would stay that way though - no, not the overweight part, but the simplicity of it.

i consider myself as one of the lucky ones. i learned life the easy way, because i'm sure it wasn't that hard for me. i didn't go through that much drama growing up, and life presented itself well. i grew up mostly just by talking and listening to people, learning a little bit each day; and i'm very grateful.

i'm grateful that the innocence took me for a spin, which was fun while it lasted; and i'm also grateful that it left me when i needed it to. but mostly, i'm just glad that i'm not that annoying lance bass's fan anymore - and for that fact alone, i know i will grow out of whatever this is, sooner or later.