a few nights ago, i received a call from him. he was going for his usual 'i'm-a-funny-guy' antics - but after a few minutes into the conversation i asked him "seriously, what is it that's bothering you?"
we talked for a few hours that night - and yes, we really ... talked. it was stripped down and very raw. i felt like i finally got to the other side of him - and he finally lets me in. it's funny how it was filled with comfortable silences (after all that had happened) - and knowing that someone was there for me that night, it felt nice. i was also comforted by the idea of talking to someone who knew me as much as i knew him, leaving us with nothing to judge. that night, i felt his presence because he actually listened.
when i decided to write this post, i knew i would get some kind of reactions from people - but it is kind of important for me. it wasn't romantic, or flirting. he was asking advices about his relationships with people. and he came to me so that had to mean something. he trusted me. and i loved that.
i didn't know him when we were together - at least not more than things like his favourite colour (which i can't even remember now), or, the foods he ate, or, his obsessions with branded goods. maybe we were both too busy trying to make each other 'happy' we neglected 'that thing' couples do when you stare into each others eyes and asked "who the hell are you?". but even if we did it then, i think, it would just go to a different kind of messed-up. i strongly believe that we were not from the same mold.
last night when i was searching for the first games of thrones book, i found our picture. it was still in its frame. i stared at it for a while; i realized, i am changed - and he was more than just a verse in my life. he was a pretty good lesson and a very decent friend.
we talked for a few hours that night - and yes, we really ... talked. it was stripped down and very raw. i felt like i finally got to the other side of him - and he finally lets me in. it's funny how it was filled with comfortable silences (after all that had happened) - and knowing that someone was there for me that night, it felt nice. i was also comforted by the idea of talking to someone who knew me as much as i knew him, leaving us with nothing to judge. that night, i felt his presence because he actually listened.
when i decided to write this post, i knew i would get some kind of reactions from people - but it is kind of important for me. it wasn't romantic, or flirting. he was asking advices about his relationships with people. and he came to me so that had to mean something. he trusted me. and i loved that.
i didn't know him when we were together - at least not more than things like his favourite colour (which i can't even remember now), or, the foods he ate, or, his obsessions with branded goods. maybe we were both too busy trying to make each other 'happy' we neglected 'that thing' couples do when you stare into each others eyes and asked "who the hell are you?". but even if we did it then, i think, it would just go to a different kind of messed-up. i strongly believe that we were not from the same mold.
last night when i was searching for the first games of thrones book, i found our picture. it was still in its frame. i stared at it for a while; i realized, i am changed - and he was more than just a verse in my life. he was a pretty good lesson and a very decent friend.
