sweet and bitter, oh i found home ... at home.

"for most of life, nothing wonderful happens. if you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. if someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. if, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness." - andy rooney

sabah, january 2013

currently i am happy, at least i am most of the time. little things like a great work-out session, finding time to plant a papaya tree, or getting free starbucks pastries everytime i picked up my little sister from work - those little things make me happy. it's kind of a habit now that i'd find the best in everything and in everyone (except when i drive. oh goodness i've the worst rage, i tell you).

for example, on one foggy night around 1:30 am, i was driving to pick up husna from work as she was supposed to finish working at 2 am. i arrived around 1:45 am, and i waited. she was still not done when it reached 2:30 am and to my misery i couldn't call out at the time. so by 3, i was getting very restless - and boiled.

i tried to close my eyes, trying for a short nap - i failed. in my heart i knew i would do the unforgivable ... like kill the shit out of her. i waited a little more and by 3:45 am, i saw her walking towards the car. "here we go...", i said through gritted teeth. as she got closer, she saw me and smiled ... her tired smile. and when she got seated, she handed me a starbucks takeaway wrap; inside, there was a bread-caramel pudding. instead of the original plan (yell at her), i looked at her, and i smiled before we fell into this comforting silence. more than anything, i felt relieved, because i got her back and she got mine.

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but right now, i'm sad. 

why does it take so long to go away? how do i run away from someone who's already too far away? oh this sucks.