meeting the devil?

at first, i was surprisingly happy, and was actually pretty psyched ... until i realized we were not there alone. it got pretty awkward so fast that my breathing became shorter and it suffocated me. and in that 30 seconds of awkwardness, i actually  ran out of things to look at because i tried so hard to avoid everyone's gaze. i'm pretty sure i looked so stupid.

i missed him. i realized that when i saw his face again. he looked good, as always. and thank god i took my time to polished up before leaving the house. so at least we were equally sharp looking, leaving us with no room to mock at each others fashion choices. instead, it left us stuttering words as if we were mentally disabled.

"... be nonchalant", i told myself. the butterflies, they were there too - not helping at all.

i know this guy; even in weird situations he would always display that smirk on his face that made him look cool. but tonight, i didn't see the smirk, and he didn't look cool at all. i couldn't tell what it was, because it was so rare to me. it was as rare as the probability of us meeting again, like that, here, in MY part of the world. it was just so random.

i didn't want to be weird so before i made my exit, i tried small friendly talks. somehow i felt like i was pushed into the scene to make it okay; to make us okay. to have a closure? maybe not yet (or ever) but at least we're talking again, right? honestly, i barely made it alive out of that awkwardness. the look on my father's face was so discomforting, i had to cut it short. so i smiled politely before i left the scene - pretending to be busy.

but that look on his face, it churned my guts, weaken my knees. it left me with trembling knees and questions in my head when i locked myself in the fitting room. i needed my answer, i wanted to understand, so i literally ran out of the room, got out of the shop, wandering around looking. looking for that face again, searching for that look. i was being obvious too. my parents were panting to keep up with me, and i kept my eyes wander like there's no tomorrow.

it was kinda like the typical cheesy hollywood scene where someone would chase after the other one at the airport; as the chaser would do these stupid illogical things, making scenes, creating unnecessary airport's drama; and at the same time the other one would suddenly realized that they belong with each other, started to freak out, and does stupid things too. they would somehow, find their way back into each others arms and have their happily ever after ending. but ... fortunately that didn't happen (not even close) - i didn't get to see him again and get my answer; i didn't get to say how glad i was to see him and that i have a new number. i didn't even get to say goodbye.

true, it would be great if we could talk longer. but seriously, i'm actually grateful that it didn't happen. would i get my answer if i did see him again? would it be less awkward? would the goodbye taste better? i don't know. and i'm glad that i don't know. it has been 4 months, since we last spoke. he seems happier now, and i know that i am. why would i let that go to waste just because of my never ending curiosity towards this guy? we're happy, and people love us. we're SEPARATELY happy, and for once in a very long time i can finally say ... we made it. WE FINALLY MADE IT!