ikutan.

"apakah yang menghalangimu 

untuk bersujud (kepada adam) 

diwaktu Aku menyuruhmu?" 

"saya lebih baik daripadanya, 

Engkau ciptakan aku dari api 

sedang dia Engkau ciptakan dari tanah." 

ego, pertama;

iblis.

fantasy.

the stories in my head
were better than my reality -
that was when i knew
it wasn't healthy.

5 seconds.

people have attention spans of 5 seconds,
most can talk - but they hardly listen.

5 seconds, that's all they can take...
before they are dead, again.

news.

bad people stories,
all over the media.
it makes you feel better,
talking theirs and not yours.

"she is wrecked,
thanks to that douche."
heroes and villains,
you're happy that you get to choose.

it's easier to pass judgements,
than to receive them.
so you keep on talking theirs,
and never yours.

walls.

she liked him;
he liked her.
but they were two broken souls,
they built walls, not bridges.

time had never been their strong suit.
he walked on hers,
and within his she fell deeper
than his heart would care to let him.

she didn't see it,
his mind was messed up.
he didn't see it,
he messed her up.

when words ran dry,
stagnant they stood
behind their castle walls,
with fearful eyes.

she liked him;
he liked her.
but it was not that simple-
love never was.

close.

it feels like-
i’m breathing with my stomach;
i’m thinking with my throat; and
i’m walking on my heart.

it had to be done.
it needed to stop.
and it’s okay,
we’ll be okay.

i’m trying really hard.
to breath with my lungs;
to think with my head; and
to walk on the ground, again.

i’m sorry.
i should go.

i used to write. i used to write things that made me gleam - they made me happy.

i went back, visiting my old posts. i was surprised, i did well (for my standard). i want to write more, i swear - but everytime i was thinking about it, i felt heavy, i was always doing something else.

today, i'm writing because i'm sinking. i'm sad, i have holes in my heart needed filling. some substances, i figured, so i write.

i fell. i care too much. i try to doubt the bad things, but i failed. no, don't get it wrong. i'm not broken. i just care too much, i'm worried. i'm anxiously worried.

monday, the last i've heard from him. he was scheduled to come home today, but it's almost 5pm, i've yet to hear from him. and it's normal to feel worried, right? (...especially when you care?)

everytime my phone beeped, i hope it's news. oh goodness, this is pretty weird, and it's pretty hard too.

i won't be telling him this. he doesn't need to know. he won't have to worry about me worrying about him. no, he deserves better. he deserves ... this secret.

and then there's this...

after seeing this, my doubt is gone. i love these people too much, i'd do anything for them.

old memories, new memories - i wanna keep doing them with these people. my family, my loves.